Weinsteins plan to turn the new Keith Chegwin into the new Dudley Moore.

Hollywoody. Obviously.

In a week simply splattered with bank holidays, today’s Wednesday is cunningly dressed as a dapper wee Thursday, complete with seductive near-weekend properties and an air of spontaneous, carefree mischief. BUT WE ARE NOT FOOLED. Wednesday is what you are sir, and as such you will let us in the cinema for cheap, YOU HEAR?

Every December, on the magical eve of collective financial ruin, mega-marketing corporations and advertising henchmen alike find a way to manipulate one and all into mindless, mass-consumerism. Alas, Christmas comes but once a year, the jolly holiday is eight long months away, and creme eggs don’t sell themselves. What to do? Well exploit Easter, of course, and monetise the hell out of the seasonal anthropomorphisms.

Oh my shit, it’s April! And it’s brought along not only Fools’ Days, sweet spring showers and the prospect of some chinless wonder marrying a Sloane, but also a batch of fresh and steaming new films – some promising, others less so. Stick around as we sift through this month’s cinematic offerings week by week and separate the fresh fish (FRESH FISH, Glen Coco!) from the distinctly murky tuna salad…

At it like rabbits…

Hollywood’s latest live-action holiday feature, Tim Hill’s Hop, gets a new poster courtesy of the film’s official Facebook page.