Safe Haven has been making a killing at the box office, for reasons we can’t possibly fathom. Badly written, badly acted and generally just bad, this is the number one film to stay away from this week…

Safe Haven is out in cinemas this week. This is a fact. We cannot refute it – nor can we stop it from happening (believe us, we’ve tried). What we can do, however, is give you 10 very good reasons to stay the hell away from it…

Josh Duhamel stars in latest Nicholas Sparks adaption. Something tells us it might be a romance

The latest Broadway show to hit the silver screen is an eclectic celebration of all things 80s, unless those things include drugs or AIDS or, you know, anything of genuine interest or significance bar Tom Cruise in leather chaps. Boasting a ruthlessly PG-ified script, a series of songs you’ll probably never have heard before and Bryan Cranston getting gently spanked, Rock of Ages is just silly enough to take the edge off how dull it is.

Sorry.

They’re remaking Footloose?! FOOTLOOSE?! Well, yes, but hear me out; you can put your pitchforks and capital letters away as they won’t be needed here. While ostensibly a classic, the original Footloose was no masterpiece, it wasn’t infallible, and it certainly does not constitute hallowed ground. Not that that stops director Craig Brewer from treating it thusly, Footloose knows exactly what it is: a contemporary feel-good film with an unusually rich heritage, and it’s all the better for it.

I WANNA ROCK!