This just in: Academy Award-winning actress Catherine Zeta-Jones has joined the cast of forthcoming Broadway adaptation Rock of Ages, in which she will appear alongside everyone else in bloody Hollywood.

Other major cast members include Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Paul Giamatti, Russell Brand, Julianne Hough and Mary J. Blige. Blimey.

Rock of Ages, the perm-frazzling 80s orgy of power ballads which has been scorching Broadway stages since 2006, is due to be released next summer. We’re totally growing our hair out, buying leather jackets and obliterating our septums before then.