Poor the back of Kristen Stewart’s head.

R-Pattz’ post-Twilight breakout role is as a talentless schmoozer who drags himself up the ranks of fin de siècle Parisian society on a ladder made from other men’s wives. Visually dazzling but with no real substance, this new adaptation of an 1885 novel is as charmingly insubstantial as its lusty yet anodyne antihero. Bel ami, médiocre film.

This week, Reese stars in This Means War, a film where she forces two lifelong friends (and also… spies? Or something. I don’t know. Ask John.) to compete for her love, destroying one another in the process. Hang on a second, haven’t we seen this before? Y’know, Reese Witherspoon systematically ruining the lives of those around her? Let’s investigate.

If* we ever build a time machine, Adam, we’re going back to 1966 to kick your mum in the stomach. *When

But… but HOW?

So Bella and Edward are finally getting hitched (SCREAM!). Just you wait, guys! ZOMGGGG. When you see her dress you are going to lose it! The wedding is TO DIE FOR. And don’t even get me started on the HONEYMOON!!!! Seriously though, this is a terrible film.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 is out this Friday. SCREAM SCREAM SWOONY DREAMZ OMFG ZZZZZ3333. Everyone is going to poop when they see this film. In honour of it coming into the world like a screaming demon baby that claws its way out, bloodied and howling, from the ruins of its mothers womb, BFF have compiled a list of the Top 10 Worst Films that the Cast of Twilight Had A Hand In. Or: the Top Ten Films Cursed by Twilight. Enjoy.

If we don’t report it, no-one else will

We all try to muster up some interest

Apparently women fancy him.