New red-band trailer for Movie 43 stars Kristen Bell’s vagina

Ice Age 4 hurtles from one boring and entirely unoriginal scenario to another, justifying its glaring historical and chronological inaccuracies, hopeless characters, tedious plot and joyless slapstick by covering them in frozen precipitation. It’s just a rehash of previous Ice Age themes and scenes from other, better films, but told by prehistoric animals that existed millions of years apart. Sure it’s for kids, but a cinema full of children could only muster the occasional half-hearted chuckle and even the sound of Sid regurgitating something into his paw couldn’t mask the sound of artistic integrity quietly dying.

Seann William Scott is disarmingly loveable in this blood-spattered sports comedy written by Jay Baruchel and Evan Goldberg. Goon might initially strike you as brainless Lad fare, but don’t let appearances deceive you. It’s warm, funny and actually has something (vaguely) serious to say about a culture which encourages, and even downright applauds, violence – as long as it’s safely in the confines of a sports venue, of course.

The word ‘formulaic’ is bandied about quite a lot by us cinema lovers, and we’ve noticed that if often occurs just after watching a Kevin James film. This week saw his latest offering, Zookeeper, besmirch screens across the country, so to celebrate / commiserate / royally take the mickey we take a gander at some of the parts which are undoubtedly going to be offered to him in the near future.

The bastard.