To celebrate the upcoming release of Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, complete with Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton as a ridiculously attractive (and probably incestuous) witch-busting brother and sister duo, we’ve decided to take a look at the top 10 fairytales which DESERVE to be made into films. For the good of all of us…

Disney films are, as we all know, based on inspiring stories of good overcoming evil. Or are they? Think vandalism, self-sacrifice, kidnap, false imprisonment, blackmail and murder. Think regicide. Think false heroes paraded through the world of animation, held up as icons to children too young to know better. But WE know better. And while you might think Maleficent, Captain Hook and the numerous Wicked Stepmothers are the bad guys of Disney, you’re sorely mistaken.

It’s time to take a long hard look at the top 10 real Disney villains – and, this time around, they’re paying for their crimes…

Prince Harry has been papped cupping his Crown Jewels in Las Vegas. Kate Middleton has been photographed showing off her Queenly wares in France. Prince William has… well, he hasn’t really done anything interesting. Apart from lose his hair. In short, the Royals have wandered over to the dark side and, to celebrate their rebellion, we’ve decided to take a (potentially NSFW) look back over some of the baddest, most naked, most scandalous royals ever to grace the silver screen.

Have you been known to use your bodacious bootay to get what you want? Do you often declare yourself to be ‘like a god’? Have you ever seen your dead father in the stars and done exactly what ‘he’ told you? Do you sleep a lot? Then this post is for you. You see, for decades now, the Walt Disney Corp. has secretly been presenting real psychological ailments as cutesy personality traits (read: disorders) that should not only be encouraged, but put to catchy tunes complete with a key change. But never fear, BFF is here; from your Stockholm Syndrome to drug dependency, we’ve got the answers FRANK just can’t give you.

Have you guys been watching the news? It seems that shipwreck hunters have discovered the remains of the S.S. Gairsoppa off the coast of Ireland and it’s got about £150,000,000 of silver buried inside. Gulp. Now that’s treasure beyond even our wildest dreams, although these films certainly give Gairsoppa’s haul a run for its money! Time to check out the top 10 treasures ever found (in film)…

But smoking is cool!

The recent release of Super 8, in which [SPOILER] Joe Lamb and his little girlfriend Alice form a psychic connection with a magnetic extra-terrestrial, got me thinking about the film industry’s love of bizarre inter-species pairings. So here are some unexpectedly harmonious affinities, and some that should have banished multi-species experimentation to the top shelf.

Last weekend, we ventured to the Isle of Wight to attend the world’s first ever Sail-In Cinema event. Imagine it – not only is Russell Crowe on a boat in Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, but YOU ARE TOO! Aromascope ain’t got nuffin on this. Join us as we attempt to shake a whisky and fresh air-induced hangover and track down the other nautical films best watched whilst three sheets to the wind…

Will it still be better down where it’s wetter?

…And we don’t mean because of that unfortunate Brother Bear episode. The Disney Corporation are famously careful for keeping their secrets firmly to their brightly coloured, endlessly cheery chests, and it’s time we all knew a little more about their dastardly working habits. No wonder their villains are so convincing…