This news is so bad it’s good.

Illusions, Michael (Caine)!

The trailer for Jason Statham as psychotic gangster Parker breaks no new ground, but what do we care? We’re philistines. Just give us more Statham!

Why aren’t films of video games ever good? Because the boys in the back room are adapting the wrong goshdarned games, that’s why! We’ve consumed eighty-six thousand Doritos and worn out nine pairs of tracksuit bottoms doing the research for this list: the definitive top 10 games that must be brought to the silver screen.