Parker isn’t entertainingly bad like Crank or The Transporter 1 through 3. It’s just bad. Bad acting, bad plot, bad villains, bad heroes, and a bad-ass car.

Jason Statham is made of rage and speaks like he’s reading the instruction manual for setting up a Freeview box. Naturally neither of these things elevate Parker to the lofty heights of, say, The Mechanic; and make for the most mind-numbing 118 minutes of your life that you will never get back.

Parker is out soon, and if you’ve seen the trailer/moody-ish poster you’ll know that singer Jennifer Lopez is in it, starring alongside rent-a-hardman Jason Statham. This isn’t the first film J-Lo has been in. To be honest, we’re not sure why that keeps happening. And to make things even more dire, Lopez has threatened revealed she would like to take on more acting roles due to her ‘great experience’ working with Statham on set. But Jen’s not the only one who should just slip away quietly back into the recording studio AND STAY THERE.

How much ass is Kathryn Bigelow going to get when this film is released? AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!

Musical drama from writer of Rock Of Ages picks up a odd mix for its leads

The trailer for Jason Statham as psychotic gangster Parker breaks no new ground, but what do we care? We’re philistines. Just give us more Statham!