It’s happening again! A new cadre of reinforcements have arrived at Best For Film Towers, kit gleaming with polish and pen nibs glinting in the autumn sunshine. Can anyone remember why the OWLs got so terribly militaristic? Anyway, they’re here and so are you and maybe you want to read what they think about this week’s releases? Go on.

Yesterday Best For Film was without its traditional Tuesday Cheat Sheet for the first time in more than a year – we simply couldn’t keep up with the concept of ‘having Monday off’, apparently. But don’t worry, routine-lovers! The OWLs are here, ordering you to see slightly more obscure films than you actually want to just like we’ve done ninety-odd times before. And will continue to do until everyone is dead.

In a bleak twist of fate, Best For Film Towers has been left undefended. The interns have fallen, forcing John to head off on an epic quest to replenish the troops; thank goodness he can call upon old allies to see him through these dark times. Step up to the brink, weary soldiers – you are now the only thing standing between the fearsome dragons of modern civilisation and your beloved BFF. Prove your worth and select the best films out this week, stat…

As another Best For Film internship reaches its close, our once-stalwart defenders ready their packs and prepare to demob. Do you think you have what it takes to man the ramparts against the endless torrent of crap films and even worse journalism infesting the Western world? Apply for our BRILLIANT internship here, but for now enjoy our pick of the week’s films:

Go Wolverines! And so on.

It’s finally happened – Hollywood has run out of ideas. The blockbuster schedule is looking dead this week (at least until Brave and The Bourne Legacy make an appearance on Monday), and Best For Film Towers is accepting foreign aid to get them through the difficult times. Juice your 橙s and 柠檬s (oh yeah, we’re getting our Chinese on) and let’s faire cette chose!

Olympic fever has hit Best For Film Towers! HA, joke. We’ll be ignoring the stupid bloody sports as usual and sticking to our nice sitty-downy films, and if you don’t join us we’ll know you were the sort of twonk who used to look forward to PE lessons and not even consider sneaking off to smoke behind the bike sheds. You are not welcome here, Healthy Ones – you don’t even need a dose of citrus to guard against scurvy. Begone.

The wait is finally over! Time to get out your carefully stitched replica Batsuits and head to the cinema – that’s right, wear a constricting black outfit and sit in a massive dark windowless room with hundreds of sweaty geeks, on the hottest day of the year. Yay for slightly cheaper cinema tickets! Do… do any of you think that maybe being a film fan isn’t very healthy?

Another week, another batch of half-baked opinions from the cheery Best For Film team. How are you going to fill your last Orange Wednesday before B-Day finally hits on Friday? We’ve got literally ones of opinions for you to thieve and pass off as your own, and they’re citrus-themed!

This week we only have two words to say to you (other than ‘Weather’s ghastly again’ and ‘Orange gives its customers 2-4-1 tickets on a Wednesday, do you think we could maybe spend eighteen months spinning a blog out of that concept?’. Those words are 1) MAGIC and 2) MIKE. Can you guess how this week’s OWLs are going to go? ONE OF THEM IS CALLED BIG DICK RICHIE OH MY GOD.