Every second someone becomes a victim of a crime; a crime that can threaten irreversible damage and destroy lives. The suggested route of reparation is largely ineffective, but the alternative is infinitely more frightening. It is an easy feat, if not a moral compulsion, to judge the latter course of action, but it is perhaps the privilege of those who have never had to confront violence to disparage the power to resist.

Director David Gordon Green (Pineapple Express) is back with frequent collaborators James Franco (127 Hours) and Danny McBride (Eastbound & Down) for a big-budget epic… stoner comedy? That’s right. Imagine Harry Potter if Harry was as juvenile and vulgar as, well, your average teenage boy and you pretty much have Your Highness.

Valerie (Seyfried) and woodcutter Peter are in love, but her parents want to marry her off to wealthier metal smith Henry (Irons). So far, so medieval romcom. But that’s not..

An ex-con seeks revenge in a thriller that never really gets going. Although, that’s kind of the point…..

Finally, Neil McCormick’s memoir has made it to the big screen! Wait, who? Oh, just some bloke who went to school with U2 who spent most of his formative years playing in a band with his brother and trying (and failing) to emulate their success.

Ah! A compelling tale of pride, jealousy and brotherly love served up with a devastating critique of record industry? Don’t count on it.

You’d never expect action comedy Norwegian Ninja to live up to the glorious premise of its supercheese title. And yet this absurdist masterpiece from the producers of Dead Snow really does. Full of Norwegians, ninja and so, so much more…

Did you ever wonder what Indiana Jones would have been like if he’d been a bit more French, significantly more female, and pursued by an inconveniently re-animated pterodactyl? Lucky for everyone then, that The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec is twisting its quick-witted moustachioed ways into cinemas nearby.

Veteran Polish director Jerzy Skolimowski, largely absent from film making for 20-odd years, returned quietly to big screen in 2008 with America and Four nights with Anna. This time indie darling and general weirdo Vincent Gallo assumes the perhaps unlikely role of Mohammed, a middle-eastern chap on the run from an unnamed military outfit.

Every December, on the magical eve of collective financial ruin, mega-marketing corporations and advertising henchmen alike find a way to manipulate one and all into mindless, mass-consumerism. Alas, Christmas comes but once a year, the jolly holiday is eight long months away, and creme eggs don’t sell themselves. What to do? Well exploit Easter, of course, and monetise the hell out of the seasonal anthropomorphisms.

Four strangers are invited to a Greek island by a reclusive billionaire. Funnily enough, all is not as it seems in a thriller that fails to live up to even the most basic genre expectations.