Overbearingly quirky Brit indie which aims for life affirming zaniness but lands several miles on the wrong side of cutesy irritation.

What do you get when you mix a re-hashed 80s teen drama, a deeply unoriginal “fish outta water” scenario, yet more bloody buddy-cops and Channing “meat face” Tatum trying to be funny? A sparky, self-aware, genre-flipping and consistently entertaining comedy-action fest, where LOL veteran Jonah Hill takes a back seat to that bloke out of Dear John. Honestly, we’re as surprised as you are.

R-Pattz’ post-Twilight breakout role is as a talentless schmoozer who drags himself up the ranks of fin de siècle Parisian society on a ladder made from other men’s wives. Visually dazzling but with no real substance, this new adaptation of an 1885 novel is as charmingly insubstantial as its lusty yet anodyne antihero. Bel ami, médiocre film.

OH LOOK, it’s another European action film that’s been needlessly rehashed into a big-budget American dross rocket. Hurrah! Mark Wahlberg plays Smuggler Who No Longer Smuggles; guess what he’s going to do? That’s right! He’s going to punch and grumble his way through two hours of your life, which you will NEVER get back.

So, in the wake of the apocalypse, we can only hope that we’re lucky enough to die before everything turns from catastrophic to worse. Xavier Gens’ claustrophobic gore-thriller The Divide could do with shedding some dodgy dialogue in favour of some character plumping, but there’s no denying the impact of its glowering set pieces.

Jennifer Aniston gets her tits out again in this potentially-funny-but-not-quite comedy. Oh, and you don’t actually get to see her tits, so there really isn’t altogether that much to see here.

Sean Bean is a particularly moody bastard in this Terrorists vs Special Forces thriller. It’s gritty, downbeat and violent, and engaging enough that you might overlook the patchy plot.

The perfect selection to get the 2012 Glasgow Film Festival off to a strong start, Lynn Shelton’s Your Sister’s Sister is a warm hearted treat. The story of three unhappy individuals attempting to rediscover themselves in a remote island bungalow, the film takes the potential makings of melodrama and uses them to craft something unexpectedly enjoyable. Fuelled by consistently excellent dialogue and anchored by a thoroughly likeable leading trio, it should leave even the cynical feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

It’s a sniper showdown! Except that the characters are so one-dimensional that they may as well be shooting cardboard cut-outs at a shooting range.

Pablo Trapero’s film examines the fate of an ambulance-chasing lawyer and a drug-addicted paramedic in the Buenos Aires underworld. It excels where it explores the banality of violence and suffering in this place, but lets itself down in the second half by departing from nuanced storytelling in favour of Hollywood gloss.