Mark Doherty and Dylan Moran teaming up to try and deal with a house determined to frame them for murder? Yes, please! A farce so dark it’s like a black hole put on some sunglasses because it was hungover. Hungover on Guinness.

They’re remaking Footloose?! FOOTLOOSE?! Well, yes, but hear me out; you can put your pitchforks and capital letters away as they won’t be needed here. While ostensibly a classic, the original Footloose was no masterpiece, it wasn’t infallible, and it certainly does not constitute hallowed ground. Not that that stops director Craig Brewer from treating it thusly, Footloose knows exactly what it is: a contemporary feel-good film with an unusually rich heritage, and it’s all the better for it.

Don’t let the name fool you; Dirty Pictures isn’t a charming piece of erotica. Sure, it MENTIONS sex, but… never mind. Instead, the film actually offers an amusing look at the life of “the godfather of ecstasy”, Alexander Shulgin.

In an industry stuffed with honking, plastic portrayals of first love, it’s deeply refreshing when you find a film that quietly hits the mark. Like Crazy, though perhaps sketched rather too broadly to leave a lasting impression, is a delicate, affecting take on the joys and sadnesses that come with finding your way through your first relationship, showcasing gently wonderful performances from stars Felicity Jones and Anton Yelchin. It’s not necessarily easy-going for anyone concerned, but then, what relationship is?

Two American girls become separated on a biking trip through the remote backroads of rural Argentina. Cue cautionary tale slathered with a healthy ol’ dose of girl-on-girl gore? Not quite. Beyond an opening scene vaguely suggestive of electrocution, and a (more tortuous) rendition of the Divinyls’ ‘I Touch Myself’ this is, by no means, the material from which to get one’s bloodlusty jollies.

Dance theatre is not a dirty word. Even if you normally find the idea of a film that contains almost nothing but dance to be the purest form of hell, the sheer quality of the dancing on display in Pina – and the immaculate way in which it’s presented – make it difficult to resist.

What’s Your Number? tells the story of Ally Darling a woman who, upon discovering that sleeping with more then twenty men is a one-way ticket to Spinster City via Loneliness Junction, retraces her dating past in an attempt to unearth ‘the one’ she may have discarded. Of course, LOVE was waiting JUST NEXT DOOR. Predictable, yes. A fun way to waste an afternoon? Also yes.

The muscle babes of Die Hard and G-Unit come in Setup, a painfully predictable action thriller. With plenty of guns, a bald mob boss or two, a handful of heavily clichéd Russians, a thirst for vengeance and the odd sexy lying bitch, there really isn’t anything original to this diamond heist gone wrong. Except for Fiddy Cent in a role where he takes no prisoners. Oh wait…

Kingdom of Gladiators tells the story of a king who makes a pact with a demon, and then has a gladiator tournament, and these two things are somehow connected. Steer clear if you can, this tits-and-hits action film offers a very poor show of both the former and the latter.

What is it with horribly titled British films lately? First Swinging With the Finkels, now this? C’mon people, just name your film after a dinosaur, there’s loads of them left. It’d be much easier to sell a dark comedy set in a Scottish brothel (apparently they’re legal up there, fancy that!) if it was called Tyrannosaurus Sex. Just sayin. Luckily though, Spanking in Paradise is infinitely better than its dreadful title, a witty, surprisingly restrained and thoroughly Scottish gem.