Guns, Slags and Chipolatas

Christian Bale and Gerard Butler are partners in crime and make do with what little intelligence they have in order to provide for their families. The film sees Bale and Butler bungle their way through a scheme to relieve a band of small time crooks of their Christmas dinner. This so they do not have to pay for their own provisions seeing as they are amusing, street smart Jack-the-lads and almost always broke. Obviously. A series of comical misunderstandings and mistaken identity lend themselves to a jovial tale beyond the long arm of the law. It was rumoured that Terence Stamp had originally accepted the part of the leader of the small time band of crooks, though was furious when he discovered that Danny Dyer had already rejected the role. In a break from the norm the cheeky chappy leader was eventually played by Danny Dyer. Dyer gave the following as his reason for taking the role second time around: “There ain’t many other things about I can smash the granny out of at the moment, d’ya knat I mean?”

Numerous bullet strewn episodes and small sausages wrapped in bacon encompass two primary elements of the movie title. An unexpected foray in to a local brothel run by the special appearance of Michel Buble (Sting was unavailable) takes care of the third.
The latest addition to Ritchie’s catalogue of underworld escapades is festive fun for all the family who are over the age of eighteen years and/ or enjoy a particular word that rhymes with runt. Fans of Vinnie Jones will not be disappointed either, as the former footballer turned Hollywood star features throughout the film as an Iranian cab driver. (Omid Djalili was unavailable.)

If the choice is between going to the cinema and listening to granddad tell the story of Christmas in the voice of Louis Armstrong then fair enough, stay home and roast whatever nuts you have to hand on an open fire. If your family is not blessed with an impressionist then you cannot do much better than Guns, Slags and Chipolatas. Ardent Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels fans will be entertained by a film that will inevitably invoke the alliterative description of another Guy Ritchie cockney crime caper. Fans of Ritchie’s Swept Away, needless to say you require immediate and intensive psychological help and therefore should stay away from not only cinemas but people in general. For everyone else watch this if for nothing but one scene where Dyer attempts to play Jesus as either, his character confuses the last supper with Christmas dinner. As a well know credit lender advertises, priceless.

By Rishi Ganguly

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