The time is nigh, my dears. So come through the large open gate, walk past the bubbling swamp, cross the rickety drawbridge and have a seat around the campfire and allow me and my raven to inform you of the best Halloween events of 2010. Don’t panic if you feel something tangled in your hair; it’ll just be the bats and squirming will make them angry.

Grimm Up North Horror Festival, Manchester, 28th Oct – 1st Nov

Described as a “Hell of a Festival”, Grimm Up North is a film treat for the hardcore. Screening no less than thirty horror films and shorts, with additional Q&As, seminars, book signings, exhibitions and exclusive sneak peaks, this three day festival is packed. Plus, this year they’ve decided to team up with The Manchester Science Festival and The Manchester Literary Festival in order to put a little bit more hocus pocus into the event. So if horror films from all over the world send a shiver down your spine (think Dead Hooker in a Trunk, Alien vs Ninja and Reel Zombies) and you happen to be “oop North”, then why not check it out. Find out more here.

Mayhem Horror Film Festival, Nottingham, 28th Oct- 1st Nov

If you’re in Nottingham and can’t find Robin Hood, then get out of Sherwood Forest (it’s no place to be at Halloween, believe me) and into the Broadway Cinema. Not only will it be warmer, but you’ll have the opportunity to preview incredible horror features, most of which haven’t been released yet, plus midnight movies and a masterclass from BAFTA award winning, Gareth Edwards in making monsters. Described as a “weekend of weird”, Mayhem Horror offers a variety of visual horror. Plus there’s a fancy dress screening and party of Poltergeist with PRIZES!!! Have a look.

Screening of Exhibit A and Q&A with filmmakers, 31st Oct, Norwich

Exhibit A, a tale of a normal family falling apart under financial pressure. Daddy has a secret which leads to unnerving consequences. As these events come to light through his young daughter’s video camera, we witness the evident horror that is exhibit a. Not only is there a screening of this in Norwich’s Cinema City, but there will also be a session afterwards with the filmmakers. So if you find people scarier than pumpkin heads, get your tickets.

Monster Movie Challenge, deadline 15th Oct, screening 30th Oct, Birmingham

Calling all filmmakers! Emerald Void Productions are offering ANYONE to make a film; submission is free and ALL films are guaranteed to be screened! All they ask is that the film must be between three and ten minutes and features some kind of monster. No, regardless of how ugly you think your sister is, she CANNOT be the starring monster. So get your thoughts a-churning and send them an email. Deadline is 15th Oct so get cracking!

Death Weekend, 29th – 31st Oct, Edinburgh

A “celebration of death” sounds like a positive spin on a funeral. But you’ll be pleased to know that Edinburgh’s Roxy Art House is not creating a morbid aura, rather they’re putting on an astounding and experimental event, taking over the Halloween weekend. Expect cult films, live art and wild parties at one of Edinburgh’s most exciting cultural spaces. Plus, FANCY DRESS!!! Most of it is free, with the maximum payment being around a fiver!

And for all of youse who are going to be hanging around London like a cloud of creepy fog, here are a few events happening around the big smoke….

London Thrills

Chills in The Chapel, 29th – 31st Oct, Union Chapel, Highbury and Islington

If you find you find you don’t get scared in the cinema or at home, then three nights of scary films in a gothic chapel may be enough to put you in the mood. With candles and already atmospheric lighting, Union Chapel promises an eerie setting. Not only are they screening three classic horrors (Quartermass and The Pit, The Amityville Horror and Hitchcock’s Psycho) but all proceeds will go towards restoring the chapel. Tickets are free but you must book here.

Electric Vintage Does Eighties Horror, 30th Oct from Midnight, Electric Cinema, Portobello Road

The 1980’s was scary at the best of times. What with the big hair, loud make up and Maggie Thatcher, that era was enough to give anyone the heebie jeebies. So, with that in mind, Electric Cinema have opted for a midnight scare screening, kicking off with a myserious cult classic. What film they will show, nobody knows. Personally, I’m hoping for Kubricks The Shining as a main course, finishing with Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. Not strictly a film as such, but it’s got the right vibe. Plus, those zombies can dance. Get your place here.

Halloween Shlockfest, 29th Oct, Barbican

To complement the Barbican’s Future Japanese art exhibition, they are also showing a selection of Japanese films. And as part of the Halloween Shlockfest, the Barbican cinema are showing two Japanese treats: Robogeisha which has been described as a “gory blood fest” and Big Tits Zombie 3D, a satire involving two strippers battling to the death with zombies. Nice. So, if you fancy a bit of Japanese “culture” this coming Halloween, then get involved here.

Singalonga Rocky Horror Picture Show, 29th – 30th Oct, Prince Charles Cinema, Leicester Square

The Rocky Horror Picture Show, the “campest, cult classic” of all time. And yes, ladies and gentlemen, if dressing up, squirting water pistols and dancing in the aisles are your thing, then, this final Halloween event is your bag, baby. Don your best fishnets (whether you be boy or girl) and sing along with Tim Curry, Susan Surandon and Meatloaf, as well as the other hundred glammed up transvestites sitting alongside you. Learn the words before you go.

So that’s it, kids. Pick as many Halloween events as you want. Just don’t charge me for the mega bus bill.