Monday

Monday’s big news wasn’t really news at all. Twitter went totally mental over rumours that Jason Reitman was to remake classic 80s fantasy The Princess Bride with Paul Rudd and Mindy Kaling, but it turned out to be utter bollocks inspired by an article about a recast reading of the film’s script. Which happened last year. Once we’d got over the shock we didn’t have much energy left with which to give a toss about the new Resident Evil trailer (who are we kidding? We never give a toss about Resident Evil), but it was excellent to learn of Elizabeth ‘the talented one’ Olsen’s plans to team up with Dakota Fanning and Anton Yelchin for Very Good Girls. Ace.

Tuesday

Although Tuesday was basically dominated by the ghastly Oscar nominations (nothing for Shame, nothing for Take Shelter, nothing for Kill List… THREE for Transformers: Dark of the Moon), Hollywood’s most dreaded awards ceremony also had some interesting news. For the first time ever, the Golden Raspberry Awards (that’s the Razzies to you) will not be awarded on ‘Oscar Eve’, plumping instead for the even more appropriate date of April Fools’ Day. We’d feel much happier if Selena Gomez had saved the announcement that she will be producing her next film for April 1st, to be honest – still, the new trailer for Jeff, Who Lives at Home took the edge off our misery.

Wednesday

Film fans everywhere were devastated by Wednesday’s news that Greek director Theo Angelopolous has died following a traffic collision. However, the Circle of Life is always visible if you know where to look – even as one director’s career ended, another’s moved into its next stage as Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg announced that work had finally begun on The World’s End. The final film in the loose trilogy known (depending on who you ask) as the ‘Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy’ and the ‘Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy’ has been eagerly awaited by fans since Hot Fuzz‘s release way back in 2007, and if vague TwitPics are to be believed then something must be happening. In other news, John Cusack has great big red wings in a new poster for The Raven.

Thursday

Thursday was a day of contrast – ins, outs, gays and lepers. Are those opposites? Anyway, Chloë Sevigny joined the imaginatively-named Linda Lovelace biopic Lovelace just a day after Demi Moore abruptly left it (due to being hospitalised with an alleged laughing gas addiction, which sounds like the best drug problem ever). Meanwhile, Little Joe magazine announced the launch of its new monthly Queer Cinema night here in London, and Aardman Animations were totally pathetic and backed down on the issue of their relatively inoffensive leper joke in The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists. They’d never get into the Pirate Captain’s crew with attitudes like that…

Friday

You know how the papers are always full of nonsense in August because nothing happens? Well, this week Friday appears to have had a silly season of its own, with major news stories ranging from Nic Cage wanting to make a Japanese sequel to his Wicker Man remake “where he’s a ghost” to the potential return of Ferris Bueller, who could be back for a sequel but is probably just appearing in a money-spinning advert at this year’s Superbowl. We’re also thrilled to hear that Terminator 5 will be drowning in gore (financier Megan Ellison told Twitter that it would be “rated R as God and James Cameron intended”) and sort of vaguely pleased that the new Mirror Mirror trailer is less shit than the old one.

And that’s the way it was, film fans! See you next Saturday for another digest of the stories you couldn’t be bothered to read over the week…