Every now and again you will see a bad film. You know it’s a bad film, you’re not going to deny it. And yet you can’t help but allow yourself to watch it over and over again whenever it’s repeated on Channel 4 or ITV.
On the other hand there are those films that no matter what, just rub you up the wrong way, be it with unecessary plots that add nothing to your life or with abysmal endings that leave you less than satisfied.
Here is our top ten countdown of those such films.

 

#10 We hate to love… Point Break

Here is the official one line synopsis of Point Break: An FBI agent goes undercover to catch a gang of bank robbers who may be surfers. If that doesn’t scream complete and utter writer’s block, we don’t know was does. Couple that with character names such as Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) and Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves) then you know you’re in for something ‘special’. Annoyingly so, it just happens to be complete and utter brilliance and it will leave with some of the best comedy lines you’ll ever hear and the desire to be a surfer.

 

#9 We love to hate… The Break-Up

Vince Vaughn + Jennifer Aniston + dysfunctional relationship should equal rom-com gold. The expectation was that after seeing them exact revenge upon each other in a variety of funny ways, they would then realise how much they love eachother so they can then cry, exchange some soppy Hollywood lines and then share a kiss in front of some kind of romantic scenery. You know, the basic formulas of a Hollywood rom-com. Instead, they DIDN’T get back together, they DIDN’T live happily ever after and our expectations melted away along with any desire to rewatch this film. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

 

#8 We hate to love… Catwoman

Oh Catwoman. What were you thinking? One. You can’t decide to do a film about a DC Comics hero and then change her name – it’s Selina Kyle, not Patience Phillips. Two. You can’t give a comic book hero a rubbish story i.e the old face of a cosmetics company wants revenge on her husband for replacing her, so obtains a rock hard face due to the use of too much hazardous face cream. Three. You can’t, under ANY circumstances, feel confident enough to assume that any portrayal of The Cat will be as good as Michelle Pfeiffer’s in Batman Returns. Four. You can however feel safe in the knowledge that no matter how many times Catwoman is repeated on ITV2, for reasons we cannot explain, we will watch it.

 

#7 We love to hate… Saw 1 – ∞

This one is simple. It’s just so unecessarily gross. What sane, non-self-harming individual would sit for two hours, more than once, to watch various individuals get tortured in sadistic gut wrenching ways? A film that provides mass murderers and crazy loons with new methods to torture people should in no universe be readily available on DVD. We for one would not like to wake up with a key behind our eyeball because some nut job saw it in a film.

 

#6 We hate to love… John Tucker Must Die

This is a classic, predictable teen revenge rom-com, with an unbelievably unbelievable script and actors who long to be up there with the big boys but just aren’t good enough. However…this far-fetched script cannot help but be just a little bit smart in places, quite a bit funny at moments and contain just a snippet of heart-felt emotion. Yes Jesse Metcalfe may be one of the worst actors ever, yes John Tucker indeed should have died, but yes please do pass the popcorn.

 

#5 We love to hate… The Fountain

We love Hugh Jackman, he’s bloody Wolverine for cripes sake. We love Rachel Weisz, she married James Bond. But we HATE The Fountain. It must be said that a lot of pressure gets put on the brain just trying to decide what this film was even about, let alone why Hugh Jackman was frequently bald, possibly naked and under some tree looking thing in what could’ve been a giant snowglobe. Do us a favour, you two sexy people, and never do anything like that again!

 

#4 We hate to love… Ali G Indahouse

Ali G is possibly the most brilliant piece of nonsense ever to cross our eyeballs. He’s stupid, he’s crude, he’s a sexist crackhead who has the tendancy to be a little bit racist. So what does the world do? It puts him in a film with respectable actors like Michael Gambon and Charles Dance, in which he somehow becomes a member of Parliament with the sole aim of saving the leisure centre which houses a class where he teaches young children how to swear, stab people and start fires. I wish we could say that it marks the downfall of British cinema, yet we can’t help but watch it, and dare I say it, enjoy it.

 

#3 We love to hate… The Matrix Revolutions

The Matrix blew our trapped, pre blue pill minds. The Matrix Reloaded was pretty good – not great, admittedly, but it left us anxious to see how the series would end. Enter The Matrix Revolutions. What the fudge happened? It just went nuts. Not only did the plot get so über-confusing that we didn’t know where anybody was, but then one of the most powerful women in film and the most bad-ass character in The Matrix (Trinity by the way) dies, AND THEN they go and round it off with the most cop out ending ever! Disappointed? We think so.

 

#2 We hate to love… Scary Movie 2

Sometimes the big-wigs of Hollywood get so bored that they unleash a string of painful mediocre flicks (normally featuring some kind of socialite or reality star) that end in the word “movie”. Date Movie, Epic Movie and Disaster Movie all flew at us head on in a surprise attack – we didn’t even have time to shield ourselves. But let us not forget where it all began – Scary Movie. Its sequel has made this list simply because it’s better, funnier, cruder and all in all more disgusting. We shouldn’t like it, but we do. The teenage boys inside us all scream to be released and we’ve no choice but to oblige.

 

#1 We love to hate… The Hole

Well this twisted, gross teen-horror-mystery-drama is exactly the reason why you should never send your kids to boarding school – and embodies the extreme lengths that some people will go to to avoid Wales. By extreme lengths, we mean ‘get locked in a old war bunker for three days, not get let out again, suddenly go crazy and kill all of your so-called friends’; we’ll take Wales anyday. That and Keira Knightley’s in it, and we all know she has a tendency to be a bit annoying.

 

Do you think there’s any truly brilliantly awful films that we missed? Let us know below.