Honestly, how many genres does Bradley Cooper need to bestride like a slightly underwhelming thespian Colossus? It’s getting ridiculous – not content with being a comic lead, action hero and (tepid) thriller star, the latest Hollywood murmurs tell us that Cooper is now considering the lead role in the forthcoming remake of 1991 Gothic drama The Crow.

It’s been a while since we heard anything about this project, which is inxplicably being scripted by Nick Cave – the last rumour to do the rounds was that Marky Mark Wahlberg was to star, although thankfully that was debunked not long after. But really, Brad? You’re about as clean-cut as it’s possible to be without actually being carved from a diamond with a laser scalpel – we’re sorry, but we just don’t think scars and eyeliner will work for you. It’ll be like those flashbacks in Mamma Mia all over again (remember Colin Firth in a leather jacket?); demonstrating your range is all very well, but this is ridiculous. Brandon Lee was a better choice than you, and he didn’t even survive! Take heed…