The Hunger Games releases poorly lit faces

Well, The Hunger Games is generating plenty of buzz, and the attempts to prove itself darker than Twilight, despite sharing its audience, are getting more and more extreme. We now have a gallery of eight, count ’em, eight character portraits. We’re excited, and so are you (we can tell by the way you’re hovering over the ‘new tab’ button. They are, however, a bit, um… Well, have a look.

They’re dark, they’re moody, and they’re totally in profile! Staring off the side of a poster into the unending darkness of the press pack has never been so dramatic. Also, there’s not much in the way of colour, if only they’re thought to include someone wearing something horribly garish.

There we go! Although, to be honest, it’s so dark that it’s impossible to tell what ‘Effie’ is actually wearing. Is it a feather boa? Is it a wreath of flowers? Is it an extremely poorly snake? All we can tell is that it is a violent, violent purple. Also, what have they done to Liam Hemsworth’s neck? Why have you stretched it, Elizabeth Banks? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

More blonde people here, always good to see that them getting work. Wait a minute, ‘Haymitch’, eh? Silly name? Odd haricut? Beard? TIE?! Even with no knowledge of the franchise, we’ve got a good guess for the villain. What can we say? Ties are evil and… wait, is that Woody Harrelson? Definitely evil.

Woah! No-one knows where to look! IT’S All GONE CRAZY! I mean, come on guys, the dramatic thing is obviously over to your left at roughly eye level: it’s not at your feet, Amandla Stenberg, and really, Jennifer Lawrence, you’re not even looking the right way! I certainly hope this film can reign in the crazy antics of its cast, or they may have to use even more Photoshop to remove them entirely.

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