As if we don’t listen to enough ABBA in the office already….

Children are frightening. It’s probably their tiny hands. Whilst horror movies seem to utilise the ‘scary child trope’ a little too frequently these days, it’s worth remembering the good times of horrible, horrible children that wanted you dead (or at least maimed in some way). This top ten list encompasses the best of the nasty tykes that remind us all why birth control is so important.

M. Night Shyamalan hopes to regain his box office crown with The Last Airbender, a fantasy where Asians and Inuits save the world. Yet there is barely an Asian or Inuit in sight. Has Shyamalan rolled right inuit? Find out more about the racebending controversy here…

Look. Bear with me here. I know, I know, you’ve put up with a lot. You’ve put up with two two-thousand word essays on everything Gone with the Wind. You let me declare Chicken Run the greatest film of all time. You read the nonsense I talk about books – on a film blog. But this is probably the worst thing I’ve done yet.

Sam Raimi‘s cult classic Evil Dead has been controversially resurrected, but, despite a few new plot additions, director Fede Alvarez hasn’t quite managed to breath new life into the story. It has some satisfying similarities with the original – gallons of spewing blood, an integral chain saw, an evil force rushing through the forest at an ungodly pace and non-consensual tree sex – but RIP low-budget aesthetics and downright silliness, you are greatly missed.

Safe Haven has been making a killing at the box office, for reasons we can’t possibly fathom. Badly written, badly acted and generally just bad, this is the number one film to stay away from this week…

Phillip Seymour Hoffman tries his hand at directing for a second time.

A documentary about Brazilian Formula One racing driver Ayrton Senna, who won the F1 world championship three times before his death at age 34. Vividly realised by Asif Kapadia, all those who hail Hamilton and Vettel as their heroes should see this film and witness the champions of yesteryear.

We’ve all heard the good news – the Governator has hung up his democratic sash and is preparing to step back into his loincloth/leather jacket/commando boots of unremitting ass-kickery for some new and crunchy films. Among the fifteen projects Arnie is reportedly considering are remakes of Predator and True Lies, as well as yet another Terminator sequel; but we think he should be diversifying…

Mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad.