No one can be bothered to go to the cinema anymore.

In which we meet Legolas’ dad. They’ve got the same ears, no?

The man with the coolest job in the world loses fight with cancer.

Bases: covered.

You won’t believe who apparently won.

Have you ever wondered what Nick Harper did after he divorced that nice lady from the BT adverts? No? Well, thanks to director Stephan Elliot, you’re going to find out anyway. Marshall and a few men half his age team up in an effort to make The Wedding Video look as inspired as possible.

Now we have to confess that we pretty much lost our shit over the last Cloud Atlas trailer that came our way a few months back. This latest offering however..

005 just doesn’t sound as good.

It’s like all your Christmases coming at once only instead of presents and joy you feel a wretched, burning pain in your stomach.

Really? OK – Battle of the Pacific is a dreary WWII yarn sold to me by Best For Film as a ‘Martin Sheen war drama’, which is true if you take ‘Martin Sheen’ to mean ‘Daniel Baldwin’ and ‘war drama’ to mean ‘fiasco’. Running at a good two hours that feel like a bad three, I only made it to the end by turning the sound down and practicing my ukulele as I waited eagerly for the bad news from Hiroshima – and before you mount your moral high horse, just try sitting through Battle of the Pacific yourself and then tell me you don’t want to see people die.