Did you know old people have sex?

Hey, yeah! Yeah, remember that?

OH SWEET JESUS, HAVE YOU SEEN THE RAIN? April is determined to go out with a soggy bang, and now all your plans for a nice picnic have been drowned in sky-water there’s literally no reason for you not to go to the cinema tonight. You could even take in your pork pies and ginger beer and that! Thrift and films and pretending to be in the Famous Five, that’s the Best For Film way…

Where?

Every group needs a hate figure. In music, it’s the squeaky voiced sick-midget Justin Bieber, in Christianity it’s that scheming git Judas, and in film that hate figure has gradually become mop-haired vampire-face Robert Pattinson. But guys, c’mon! Don’t hate the player, hate the game! The game in this case being “make loadsa cash out of thick people-ball”. Pattinson’s not to blame, he’s just trying his best.

Dinosaurs and FEELINGS and dead mexicans, OH MY!

The Marvellous Spider-Man? The Super-Duper Spider-Man? The Fandabbydozy Spider-Man?

ALL THE FAMOUS PEOPLE IN LOVELY HATS!

That’s 钢铁侠3 to you.

This week he’s starring in the fifth of nine Marvel movies due to feature his gleaming head and mellifluous voice. Last week he was probably playing golf. Next week he’ll be straight back to making another film, because that’s how he rolls. This week’s cheat sheet is all about Samuel L. Jackson, which automatically makes it the most badass Cheat Sheet of all time.