It’s scary on YOUR terms

If he was teaming up with Fearne Cotton we’d still be excited

Did you know his real name was ‘River Bottom’?

There’s a possibility we were just a little too pleased with last week’s cinematic output. Dizzy, giddy and possibly even rampant with the deadly cocktail of Tinkers, Drivers, Tyrannosaurs and Lion Kings, it was inevitable that we would crash. And so we have. Or have we? THE THREE MUSKETEERS IS OUT. We have.

D’you know what Million Dollar Baby needed? A scruffy kid with big eyes, Evangeline Lilly, and MASSIVE ROBOTS. Hugh ‘all the genres, all of the time, so long as I get to be buff’ Jackman stars in an unreasonably enjoyable sci-fi sports extravaganza which will leave you wondering why Hollywood has never before made a robot fight a 2000lb bull.

Are you bored of the usual vampires and witches and ghosts of the spooky season? Tired of the Scream mask people don when trying to make a movie reference in their Halloween costume? Us too. And that’s why we have lovingly compiled a how-to costume guide for your perusal. Dress up as any of these and your awesomeness points will, literally, hit the roof, so approach with caution…

This is Clearwater. It shines nine months out of the year, and hurricanes the other three. What little food grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here, even more so. The only upsides are the pets. While other places have ponies, or parrots, we have…dolphins.

Obviously Peter Jackson isn’t a fan of the phrase “less is more”

Skin white as snow, lips red as blood, eye black as a black eye (which is to say purple)…

He brings out a new film every twelve to fourteen minutes, he has permanent standing orders to both Matt Damon and George Clooney, he’s about to direct a Liberace biopic before retiring to focus on his painting and he’s REALLY bald. Any guesses? It is of course Steven Soderbergh, and if you’re planning to see Contagion you’d better get involved with our Cheat Sheet…