A Turtle’s Tale, the biography of a dismally boring chelonian who spends fifty years biffing around in the sea and then turns into John Hurt, has been billed as an adventure/thrillride/treat etc “for all the family”. Should you wish to protest this blatant lie, the Trading Standards Institute can be found here; nobody over the age of five will find any joy in Sammy’s aimless paddling, trite relationships and pious eco-preaching.
Escape real-life horror this 2011 with the lovely dark thrill of the cinema. We’ve got a grab-bag of the top (nearly) 30 best horror films in 2011, from franchise blockbuster to indie foreign horror. Actually, 28. We had 30 but the last two were rubbish.
It’s Wednesday! Wednesday! Gotta get down on Wednesday! Everybody’s looking forward to the half-price cinema experience, half-price cinema experience! Actually, Rebecca Black would probably shit herself with confusion if she went into a cinema; a choice of two seating options bemuses her, for God’s sake, she’d never cope. And Odeon don’t even do reserved seats! Blimey. Time to get your citrus on, guys and gals!
A devastatingly right-on documentary determined to plumb the depths of America’s capital punishment system, In the Land Of The Free follows the life and times of three men: Herman Wallace, Albert Woodfox, and Robert King – collectively known as ‘The Angola Three’. Between them, they have spent over a century in solitary confinement for the murder of a prison guard; a murder that, in all likelihood, they never committed. It’s all sufficiently horrid, worthy stuff – but we have to ask, why is Samuel L involved?
The Animalmen is an American French New Wave film seen through a mumblecore filter, a lovely, stylish look at the yearnings of today’s disaffected youth. It’s about 3 would-be revolutionaries and how rad their uprising would be… if only they had a cool group name.
Turns out, he isn’t a wooden actor. We have discovered a little known fact- KEANU REEVES IS MADE OF WOOD! It explains everything, from Bill and Ted to The Matrix and beyond. But wait. We haven’t answered the burning question. Just what sort of wood is Reeves carved from? Read on to discover more…
First there was Kidulthood, then there was Adulthood, now there’s Anuvahood. With original writer/director Noel Clarke having absolutely nothing to do with this one it’s up to Kidulthood co-star Adam Deacon to assume the role of writer/director and somehow turn the middling urban drama into comedy gold.
If you’re not satisfied with the prospect of upcoming Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunter, Jack the Giant Killer, two Snow Whites, Beastly, several Peter Pans, Red Riding Hood, Maleficent and..
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