Steve Carell and Paul Rudd don’t so much star as blackhole in Dinner For Schmucks; a deeply unfunny comedy so stupid it makes Kenan And Kel look like The Importance Of Being Earnest. An army of talented cameos only highlight the ludicrous, all-encompassing foulness of this creation, and the only reason it scrapes a half-star is that Flight Of The Conchord’s Jermaine Clement manages to steer clear of the worst bits as a vaguely amusing goat/artist.

Ridley Scott is returning to the Alien franchise… and this time it’s going to be gruesome. More gruesome. Whatever.

You might not be tempted by Buried – after all, it’s by a director you’ve never heard of and it stars an actor best known for playing vapid romantic interests or unnecessarily violent supervillains. We’d more or less written Ryan Reynolds off too, but in this extraordinary film he demonstrates a range and talent which left us gasping for breath. A bit like him, because he’s been buried alive.

If you’re in London, there’s only one place to be on a Friday night for the next few weeks – attending the Swedenborg Society’s superb programme of films centred around life, death and the mysterious no man’s land in between. We’ll be there – will you?

The Torment is a supernatural shockumentary about a demonic presence in a young couple’s home in London. We have 3 signed copies of The Torment on DVD to give away! Competition ends 3 Oct 2010.

Independent cinemas are bloody brilliant. Nobody’s wearing a uniform more elaborate than a black t-shirt, the bar has drinks which aren’t carbonated or soft, and if anyone tries to fumble for an Orange Wednesdays text-ticket they’re cast into the outer darkness. Cracking. This week we’ve been to another one – the unique and spectacular Prince Charles.

Comedy veteran Drew Barrymore and an astonishingly buff Justin Long sparkle in this bromance/romance about all that stuff that rom-coms are about. Though it uses every trick in the book, fantastic lead performances, a killer soundtrack and a focus on comedy rather than fluff makes Going The Distance a cut above the rest.

Guillermo del Toro has locked horns with Universal over the proposed star of his next film, At The Mountains Of Madness.

In the last ten years, British film directors have tweaked the gangster caper, invented the zom-rom-com, updated the monster film and charmed audiences/critics alike. So if you’re into top 10 film cheat sheets, let’s wallow in the top 10 British movies of the last ten years. Top hole!

The Switch is arguably Jennifer Aniston’s best movie since The Good Girl. This no-surprises summer rom-com sells itself as “Jennifer Anniston turkey bastes herself a baby” – but if you don’t like rom coms then switch that with “gentle comedy about a shy man’s attempts to get to know his son” and then just don’t watch it. You weaselly genius!