Blackbeard trades his tricorn for a crown.

Ever wondered what the Brothers Grimm favourite might look like if Twilight’s Catherine Hardwicke got a hold of it?

The vampire has become so well integrated into popular culture it is hard to imagine a time when a romance didn’t come with fangs, and their recent resurrection can be attributed to one film: Twilight. With one brooding scowl from R-Pattz the world was divided into two groups: swooning squealing Twi-hards and, well, sane people. Yes, as you may have guessed I am not exactly what you’d call a fan. I have never read the books and anything that makes a teenage girl scream like a banshee in my vicinity was always going to provoke feelings of intense hate from me. However, even I can admit Twilight is not without its good qualities.

Twilight director Catherine Hardwicke has signed up to direct a gothic retelling of Little Red Riding Hood under the watchful eye of Warner Bros. And it looks like the girl in that famous cape will be none other than Amanda Seyfried (of Mamma Mia, Mean Girls and the up-coming Dear John). But nothing’s been signed, so we’re not out of the woods yet. (couldn’t resist)

There are some things in life that you hype up to such a ridiculous extent, there’s no way they’re going to live up to your expectations. The media frenzy surrounding New Moon ensured there was very little chance it would live up to expectations, and surprise, surprise, it doesn’t. Golden Compass director Chris Weitz places the film squarely in cheesy superhero blockbuster territory with exaggerated special effects and embarrassingly corny love scenes. The only bright spot on the horizon is newcomer Taylor Lautner, who brings a surprising amount of warmth and likeability to the role of Jacob Black.

It’s hard to talk objectively about Twilight without getting absorbed in the somewhat frightening teen-girl hype that has surrounded first the books, then the movies. Stephenie Meyer’s four-book series about a young girl caught in a love triangle between a vampire and a werewolf (a problem all of us can certainly relate to on some level) raced up the bestseller lists faster than publishers could say ‘Harry Potter’.