It’s mid-October, so obviously the world is already decked out in Christmas bullshit and seasonal food that goes out of date in November. Christmas coming early is obviously ridiculous, but the real tragedy behind it is that Hallowe’en – king of all the fatuous seasonal holidays – gets left behind, struggling to be heard under the mountains of chocolate Santa Claus’ and reams of low-quality, pound-land wrapping paper. Well bollocks to that! Stick two-fingers up to Christmas and get terrifyingly drunk with our Classic Horror Movies Drinking Game!

Remake? No. Reinvent? Yes! Join us on an adventure in repetition as we go on an adventure in repetition. Learn your what to do and (more importantly) what not to do in the many occasions throughout your life when you will be called upon to direct the remake of a classic movie.

The witching hour approaches and the fire is burning low, dear friends. So gather close and listen we list some of the greatest Halloween classics to… what? Made them up? Of course not! All of these are one hundred percent genuine films. If by genuine you mean that they came to us in a dream and we wrote them down and crudely edited some images. In that case they totally are.

When it comes to vampire flicks, it seems that all Hollywood has to do is bare its money-spinning neck and audiences around the world will guzzle away. So after almost a century of vampire films, how did the cinematic interpretation move from Nosferatu to the perfectly coiffed Edward Cullen from the Twilight Saga? Will current film releases Stakeland and Priest take us back to a more traditionalist approach? And why are we still even interested?

That’s photos of the 3D film, not 3D photos. Unfortunately.

After Don’t Mess With The Zohan, hasn’t he hurt Eastern Europe enough?

Nightmare Movies: Horror On Screen Since the 1960s is the third edition in what has come to be regarded as a “true classic of cult film criticism”. Published in 1985, the original Nightmare Movies was an essential guide to contemporary horror, and, twenty years later, the newest edition is just as indispensible for today’s discerning horror enthusiast.

Along with a posse of other legendary beastie-boys…

Is a bloody mash-up between the Count and the Surgeon something we really want to see? Looks like we don’t have a choice.

If you love horror films and you have at least twenty-four hours to live, then there is absolutely nothing you should be doing more than reading (and subsequently adhering to) this itinerary. How else are you going to know what to watch at six thirty in the morning when you’ve just watched a zombie baby rip someone’s head open?