The lot of a film critic is not an easy one; actors hate us, we inevitably have breakdowns during LFF, and every now and again we get accused of being paedophiles when we go to kids’ films alone. (This is a true story.) And as an unfortunate soul proved this week in America, once Google Glass rolls out we won’t even be able to further Google’s terrifying march towards global dominance in cinemas! Not that we’d especially want to, mind. Here are five other gadgets (none, alas, real) that we’d much rather take to the pictures.

Disney confirmed to have more money than Scrooge McDuck and Smaug the Dragon put together

All hail Shane Black, the genius behind the latest Iron Man film. Bursting with humour, crammed with more twists than a bag of fusilli and built around a plot that actually – I’ll be damned! – holds together under scrutiny, Iron Man 3 is far and away the best of the series, and certainly the funniest offering from Marvel so far. That’s right, folks. Tony Stark is back and he’s better than ever.

The new Iron Man 3 trailer has landed and it’s brilliant. So brilliant, in fact, that we’ve decided to dedicate an entire blog to it. Get ready to have your opinions served up to you, Tony Stark style!

The first image from Iron Man 3 has been released, and the sight of all Tony Stark’s lovely suits has got us all nostalgic. Join us for a stroll down Memory Lane, if by ‘memory’ you mean ‘GLEAMY DEATH TROUSERS’.

If you look at them really quickly at 24fps, it’s basically like a very poorly edited film that lasts half a second.

(eye-popping) HAMMER!

Take a deep breath and prepare yourself for an exhaustive year of EPIC action films. 2012 is the official year of explosive sequels, daring superheroes and hardcore fairy tales. Just make sure you have an oxygen tank nearby.

Cowboys. Aliens. Bond. Han. Indy, for that matter. The guy who made Iron Man. The guy who made Iron Man 2. (They’re the same guy, FYI.) COWBOYS. ALIENS. If this film were a razor, it would have twelve blades, an Unobtanium handle, a cloaking device and an attachment which provoked shuddering orgasm in every woman within two miles. For a frantic, unashamed wet dream of a film, it’s quite watchable.

So after a wet and blustery June and a less than tropical July, it looks like August is going to be no better. So, rather than delay the inevitable, best face facts now: that barbeque is staying in the shed, you’re not going to get a chance to wear that bikini and picnic food tastes rubbish when it’s covered in rain. However, last time we checked cinemas are all rain free! Huzzah! Here’s your pick of what’s to come next month!