Reeves of the Planet of the Apes.

DON’T DO A CHRISTIAN BALE, Jase, nobody needs that.

Stop what you are doing and read this news. It is the best news since George Osborne was booed at the Paralympics.

Clarke among the Apes.

This gun-toting prohibition shoot-em-up has come under fire for lacking in substance. Substance?! What do you want here, it’s a gangster epic! It doesn’t need to have substance, it’s got guns! Guns! Knuckle-Dusters! Blood! Testicles in a jam jar! Sexy women! Waistcoats! Guns! Sure, it doesn’t break any boundaries, but it breaks plenty of bones. It’s got guns! Pass me tha’ there moonshine y’all.

…or whatever.

THERE AREN’T ANY PARTS LEFT, BAZ. STOP CASTING PEOPLE WHEN THERE AREN’T ANY PARTS LEFT.

Yay! We don’t know who he is!