Jonah Hex is arguably what you’d get if you transposed Van Helsing to 1876 Virginia, stripped every joke and ironic line out of the script, replaced the mediocre CGI vampires with dreadful CGI corpses and then forcefully raped John Malkovich’s reputation with a branding iron. It’s spectacularly awful.

According to US reports, Transformers mega-babe Megan Fox has secretly married her long term lover Austin Green in Hawaii. Awww… well we’re glad some good news has come Megan’s way after being tossed out of the new Transformers flick. Though by all accounts good luck to Austin, if Michael Bay is to believed she’s quite the handful!

After the not-so-bombshell that Megan Fox has refused to be a part of Transformers 3 (mainly due to huge bust-ups with director Michael Bay), we’ve waited with bated breath to hear who will be her replacement. Well, according to the grapevine all fingers are pointing towards one girl. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Who?

After mega-arguments with Michael Bay, super-babe Megan Fox has confirmed that she has quit the Transformers series. Apparently Paramount are seeing this as a good thing, as “giving Shia Labeouf a new love interest makes more sense for the story”. Yes. A logical and emotional mature storyline is, after all, the reason we all go and watch Transformers.

So it’s two years since the evil Megatron’s death, and Optimus Prime, the other Autobots and the significantly less exciting humans have been going about their business as usual. What could disturb this harmonious bliss? Why, the discovery of a Transformer so bloomin’ evil he makes Megatron look like a Bosch iron. The Fallen – the lost brother of the Transformers – is preparing for battle on Earth And believe us, his battle is extremely explodey.

We can’t help but notice that Hollywood loves to up the explosion-and-sex factor with Britain’s classic literature. One only needs to look at the bare chest of Robert Downey Jr as the new Sherlock Holmes to see that the silver screen doesn’t mind taking a few liberties. But what other classic-but-uncool tales are Hollywood missing out on? We re-imagine some great British classics the way Spielberg would do ’em…

The title of this movie says it all, really. Another in a seemingly never-ending line of horrendous teen slasher flicks, it’s based around the typically stupid premise of a high-school hottie who is inexplicably transformed into a blood-lusting demon. There’s only one reason I can think of that any of the movie going public would subject themselves to it – to have a good old perv at Megan Fox, aka said hottie-cum-demon, Jennifer Check.

As our economy spirals into the abyss of recession with no hope of returning to good health any time soon, everyone is cutting their budget.It’s the perfect time for Hollywood directors to start economising too. Not on film quality, but on choice of protagonists. Where they can’t afford the original A-lister, there’s a number of cheaper alternatives for them to choose from.