It’s like staring into an abyss filled with old men.

Glasses. They’re weird, aren’t they? Bits of plastic or glass slapped over your stupid face that either serve a purpose by bending light in the exact way that your warped and pathetic eyeballs fail to do, or they serve no purpose other than to obscure your epidermis. Why would anyone bother compiling a list of glasses? Because we’re Best For Film AND THAT’S HOW WE ROLL.

Which sounds rubbish, but ssh he’s got cancer.

As the stage is set for another bloody awful year of Nicolas Cage releasing eight thousand crappy films, we thought we’d take you on a whistle-stop tour back through his entire demented oeuvre since the Millennium. Not suitable for readers who are sensitive to unpleasant hairstyles.

It’s been confirmed that the National Treasure franchise is to get a third installment. Legendary producer Jerry Bruckheimer (Pirates of the Caribbean) has hired Carlo Bernard and Doug Miro, writers of the upcoming Prince of Persia movie, to pen the third film in the franchise.

It’s been left up to Disney to challenge our hackneyed beliefs by presenting us with a bunch of spies that take the form of… wait for it, you’ll love it… Guinea pigs! Yeah, those infanticidal, hooting, air-sniffing pigs. As spies. It’s a one-note joke that’s taken to the extreme – Pixar would’ve made an idea like that into a witty ten minute short. Here, it’s 90 minutes long, and generally one ninth as entertaining, too.

If even the Facebook founders are getting their own film, surely it’s only fair that the global good-doers of Greenpeace get a chance on the silver screen? Fortunately,  director Jon..