If this was a great review it would end with a nice snappy finish: “something something, enough said.” Bam. What a review! you’d cry, reeling from such a splendid piece of prose. Instead I imagine it’ll just peter away to nothing and we’ll all go and have a nice cup of tea, which is due,…

Children largely apathetic.

Back to deliver yet more gratuitous violence, outrageous plot twists and dreadful puns, Sylvester Stallone and his team have got another job, and this time they’re joined by Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Subtle nuances and character development there is not, but The Expendables 2 knows exactly what it is and it delivers. Sure, the lines are literally made of cheese, but what’s not to love about a bunch of good old fashioned action heroes doing what they do best?

Please don’t make us hate it John

Arnie’s Back…and he’s so, so old

Matt Smith (yes, Doctor Who) and Eva Green (yes, Eva Green) made this in 2010. Originally called Womb, it had to be rebranded as Clone for the UK DVD release. The story of a woman who clones and gives birth to her dead boyfriend, you’d think this would be amazing sci-fi, or at least amazingly bad, but in fact it’s just a beautifully shot, but painfully dull story, lacking the gross factor, the sci-fi factor or even the moral debate about the concept of cloning factor. Matt Smith is great though.

Yes…that’s a thing…a thing that’s happening.

Mr. Bane to reprise his theatrical role

Drive actress set to play the lead in dark comedy thriller

Pattinson set to star as T. E Lawrence in Queen of the Desert