ZOMG HE PLAYED W.H.O. DOCTOR WHAT DOES BRAD PITT KNOW THAT WE DON’T

One of the most distinctive horror directors working today, Ti West made his mainstream breakthrough with 2011’s critical smash The Innkeepers and his work on the headline-grabbing anthology films V/H/S and The ABCs of Death. He’s got a frankly alarming number of projects due to hit the big screen within the next couple of years, so we’ve put together this guide to his key works. Y’know, so you don’t look like a square at parties.

It’s the very last week of Back in Vue, Vue’s retrospective season – and the film that you apparently voted for as a fitting swansong is showing for the last time tonight. Blazing a trail for lesser mortals to follow, Duncan has already headed all the way back to 1986 to revisit a world of gleaming Ferraris, multicoloured leather jackets and pancreas to find out exactly what happened on Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Our newest and goriest column continues with the latest clotted, coagulating thoughts to drip from Duncan Vicat-Brown’s mangled fingertips. This week, he’s heading back into the Abattoir to take a look at the best jump scenes in horror history…

Based on real life events, Richard Linklater’s black comedy Bernie has somehow only just made it to Britain despite premiering way back in 2011; we don’t even remember when 2011 was. Fresh and funny without getting complicated (we know how you hate complicated things) Bernie is well worth a watch – after all, how often do you get to see Matthew McConaughey with his shirt on?

For about the last two years, BFF stalwart Duncan has been talking about writing a column – and, thanks to Evil Dead remaker Fede Alvarez, he’s finally pulled his finger out and done it. Abattoir Blues will be creeping out of BFF’s cellar twice a month to shine a torch into the murky corners of horror, and where better to start than with the wholly unnecessary redux of 1981’s most plant-rapey gorefest? Turn down the lights and read on…

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a horror movie with a domestic gross amounting to a small fortune must be in line for a string of sequels of ever-diminishing quality. Almost all of them are terrible, being licenses to print money and all. But every now and then, by some strange alchemy, one of them.. isn’t. Here are five of our favorites, and one that we’re clearly over thinking.

Joaquin Phoenix and Philip Seymour Hoffman spotted shopping for trophy polish.

In 2006, unofficially-crowned Worst Director of All Time Uwe Boll made an action-fantasy video-game adaptation (of the Dungeon Siege games) called In The Name Of The King. It cost $60million, starred Jason Statham and Ron Perlman, and boasted supporting turns from Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds. It made less than $14million and has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 4%. Now, six years later, he’s made a sequel. Super.

Except more really odd shit involving organs.