EVERYBODY HOPE THAT HE DIED, ok?

The phrase “Money for old rope” has many apparent origins, though the one I like the best is to do with hangings. Apparently the more morbidly curious and macabre people of the 18th century often sought out used hangman’s rope as a souvenir of an execution – the hangman would dutifully oblige, cutting the rope…

KITTENS! BLOODY KITTENS! TWO OF THEM! PLAYING WITH AN AMULET! OH GOSH LOOK AT HOW ADORABLE THEY ARE, THEY’RE LITERALLY PAWING AT THE AMULET WITH UNBRIDLED GLEE! WHAT IS THE AMULET? NO TIME TO EXPLAIN. KITTENS. KITTENS. KITTENS!!! Werner Herzog’s Nosferatu The Vampyre starts in less than fearsome circumstances, as my opening gambit of madcap…

Disclaimer: I’m dipping my toes into Woody Allen. The problem with a director who makes a film a year, and has done for the past couple of decades it seems, is that for the uninitiated, tackling him can seem rather daunting. Where to start? The old stuff? His latest work? What are the hidden gems?…

So we’ve made up some new rumours.

God Bless America. God Bless America, because no other country in the world would have the required ingenuity, bombast and lackadaisical attitude towards historical study than the Americans, leaving them to invent possibly the greatest show of all time – Deadliest Warrior.

My colours have been nailed to Disney’s mast for a long while. Sure, from the outside looking in they’re a massively corporate entity that’s prime focus at all times is on turning a profit. Sure, they’re founded by a fascist (who isn’t these days, am I right?!). Neither of these things negates the fact that they make brilliant films. But hey, come on guys, what’s the best Disney film? Aristocats maybe, who doesn’t love a singing jazz cat? Not this guy! Or wait, Beauty & The Beast is a classic, Stockholm syndrome ‘n that, plus you know the beast would be dynamite in bed – he’s literally a beast.

Ugh.

It’s really hard to write a news story about Kick-Ass without using That Word.

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