Staked and sizzling, Twilight is dead at last.

Look, we’ve read the news – we know all about Run For Your Wife only taking £602 on its opening weekend, and about Danny Dyer (probably) threatening to cut the faces off everyone at the distribution company in retribution, apples’n’pears, blah. But when we finally made it to a screening, we were amazed. Forget your preconceptions – the only reason Run For Your Wife has bombed is because YOU PEOPLE AREN’T READY FOR IT.

BIG SURPRISE

Become Iron Man? Us? But we’re scared of heights!

IT’S A TRAP, Harrison!

Fuck this up, Disney must not.

“Poison us? We’ll poison you.” Cue shudders…

“…and that’s why I can’t go cycling any more!”

God, that’s a mouthful.

THINK ON YOUR SINS, Twilight fans.