That’s nothing – we haven’t even mentioned Beyoncé yet…

Hello, possums! You remind me of the babe…

*snick*

Imagine what crimes Sherlock could solve with a fiery eye!

But what of Bandersnatch?

Sometimes a cheeky little indie film strolls up, favours you with one of those complicated ‘street’ handshakes and changes your life for the better with its endearingly lo-fi quirks and unexpectedly powerful story. Powder, alas, is not such a film. More likely to glare at you from inside a fashionably scruffy greatcoat than offer you a rollie and a cheerful anecdote, it is the very worst sort of self-absorbed garbage.

This weekend sees the nationwide release of Potiche, a glorious French farce from the totally irrepressible François Ozon which stars legendary screen couple Catherine Deneuve (swoon) and Gérard Depardieu (double swoon). We caught up with M Ozon at London’s Institut Français for a cheeky little tête à tête…

It’s all time he can’t spend on Taken 2, at least…

Ugh.

Fred Cavayé’s last film, Pour Elle, was a tight and well-made thriller which was almost totally derailed by its catastrophic American remake The Next Three Days. We do hope the same won’t happen to his latest effort. Exhilarating, fast-paced and only a little bit unbelievable, Point Blank is exactly what people who liked Taken should be watching instead – it’s an action film, yes, but it’s far more than macho drivel.