To celebrate the release of groundbreaking nonsense Battleship, we’ve sailed the high seas of cinema in search of the silver screen’s best ever boats. Which is your favourite? The Pequod? La Amistad? The Potemkin? Yeah, none of them are in it.

It’s a Wednesday, and the aliens are here! It’s alright though, because they appear to be sea-dwelling aliens and there aren’t any cinemas at sea – your 2-4-1 deal is safe as houses, so crack on and enjoy (relatively) cheap film tickets before the world is incinerated! Hang on, what do you mean you don’t know what to watch?

LIAM NEESON IS A PROPER ACTOR, aint he? We know it, we know it in our heart of hearts. And yet, if we’re honest, it’s been a long road since the jolly old days of Schindler’s List. Can we forgive an Irish scamp The Next Three Days? Wrath Of The Titans? Attack Of The Clones? And more importantly, d’ya think Helen Mirren ever got over him dumping her? Oh that’s right, we’re getting to the proper stuff, it must be CHEAT SHEET O’CLOCK.

It’s Monday tomorrow and, unlike all those other rubbish Mondays, this one’s a Bank Holiday. Blessed be the day off! What better way to spend our extra 24 hours of freedom than with all of the FILMS OUT THIS WEEK!!!

We love owls over here at Best For Film Towers; their fluttering wings and soft feathered bodies are the only reminder we have of the outside world. Owls are wonderful, that’s for sure… but which owls are the MOST wonderful? Sit back and marvel as we present the top 10 owls of cinema…

I think, by now, we’re all aware that for years Hollywood has been making terrible mistake after terrible mistake. Self-confessed penis-whisperer Samantha Brick has set the world alight with her truly admirable fight against gender equality, and we feel it’s only right that we celebrate with her in style. Why bother using literally any other actresses when Samantha Brick continues to erupt loins with the power of her own face? Five films that, if all things were equal, The Brick would have smashed. Set your eyes from Vision to Erection. This is going to get moist.

French film monthly Premiere has announced that Wes Anderson’s Moonrise Kingdom will be opening Cannes Film Festival 2012. To save you from having to find a French newsagent/actually read any French, here are the predicted titles that have us wishing that we could spend a week on Brangelina’s fuck-off-huge yacht…

Hungry games, pirates and scientists, furniture SO DAMN TINY you couldn’t see it in a mirror mirror – there’s just so much going on at a screen near you this week. But what should you fob off in order to watch Liam Neeson be Zeus dreadfully again? We’ve got the answers…

We all like to think there are films out there that can completely alter our world view, and hey, every now and then we bloomin well find one. A film that dazzles is one thing, but a film that changes your entire perception – they are perhaps fewer and farther between than Hollywood history would have us believe. Introducing films and filmmakers labelled as making ground-breakingly intelligent cinema and why it could be that they aren’t as clever as we’d like to believe…

Oh sure, everybody knows that James Cameron loves going crazy with his special effects. And, sure, everyone knows that he had something to do with Titanic… but what ELSE do you know about tempestuous Captain Jim, eh? Exactly. Prepare for an iceberg of knowledge to sink (and destroy) your preconceptions on one of the most influential men in Hollywood…