D’you know what the world needs more of? Formulaic martial arts films with an unfeasibly badass female lead chasing a briefcase full of MacGuffin to an ear-rending soundtrack. Serve me up some more of that, Vietnamese film industry! Oh, you already have? Super.

Producer: “Ok, guys, I’ve had the greatest idea for our new film. So I was watching Fight Club, right, and then I saw Big Fat Gypsy Weddings with the missus, and then I saw Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus. And what did I come up with? Only City boys versus gypos in a countryside war. GET IN.”

Heavy Metal, muscles, blood, and Vinnie Jones. Oh, and tits. Lots of tits. All in slow motion.

A heavy handed portrayal of a brutal true story. Whilst it struggles to lend any real depth to some of its central characters, this offering from writer/director Cyrus Nowrasteh is a powerful depiction that sticks in the mind. Prepare for conspiracy, betrayal, guilt and one of the most horrific on-screen deaths imaginable.

Sinbad and the Minotaur is an Australian film about a mythical Arab wading into Greek legend, and it treats both cultures about as respectfully as you’d expect from a country which used to forcibly rehome Aboriginal children. Under no circumstances whatsoever should you watch it.

It does exactly what it says on the box. Aliens. And Ninjas. Oh, and they don’t get on. What did you expect?

Take a stroll through London with Tom and Eve, two star-crossed young hipsters trying to make sense of their messed up lives, finding solace and comfort in each other’s conversation. Or rather, don’t. In fact, do anything else rather than watch this deeply underwhelming love story.

The subtle, unexpectedly deft début feature from Alejandro Gomez Monteverde combines big themes with a New York slice-of-life approach that manages to charm and intrigue, accompanied by three commendable central performances.

Things start to get all twisty-turny for the mourning Sarah when she happens across a young man running for his life. Tuck yourself in for this French Horror/Thriller from the sibling directors Caroline and Éric du Potet. Who said that subtitles ruin a good bit of tension? Well, buy them a drink from me, because they were right. But don’t worry, hardly anyone says anything.

Tamsin Greig is the only high point in this mediocre thriller about a woman’s hallucinations.