Three men decide to make a quick getaway by using the tunnels underneath the city taking three hostages with them for collateral. They thought they were the bad guys. That is until the met Trackman…

Mutiny, death and philosophy on the high seas in this two-part made-for-TV adaptation of Jack London’s 1906 novel The Sea Wolf. Helped by an impressive cast and a faithful transposition of the original text’s deeply psychological and political themes, Sea Wolf is a bloody and tense maritime drama that delivers a lot more than you’d expect from the average period adaptation.

Watch Last Night if you enjoy long moody shots interspersed with sporadic choppy cuts, endless cigarettes used as shorthand for INNER TURMOIL, and Keira Knightley’s chin taking all the limelight away from Guillaume ‘what on earth am I doing in this awful film?’ Canet. Crucially, do not watch it if you dislike insipid tripe.

With a title that sounds like an emo band and a guy with a sword that is supposedly just nifty, Fading of The Cries sounds way too good to be true, huh?

Christmas was months ago but with the arrival of Nik Fackler’s film Lovely, Still, the holiday feel is still present. Bring your Kleenex, the film’s like The Notebook but for the older person.

Like an addict desperately searching for the next hit on my cinematic crack pipe, I looked forward to Something Borrowed with glee. But alas, the drugs don’t work anymore, and my fix of pure unadulterated fun has been laced with nasty morally-warped drudgery. What’s that I hear? Oh it’s just Nora Ephron weeping.

Barry Munday is a feel-good rom-com premised on genital mutilation. Potentially offensive on two entirely different levels then, it’s no surprise that this is probably one to miss.

Because there’s nothing less attractive to a wet-lipped young maiden than a tattooed, pierced, bad-ass motorcycle demon with a past so tortured he like, can’t even talk about it (until he does). I always wondered what Beauty and the Beast would be like if, instead of good, it was like, really, really awful. Now I know.

If you’ve seen one monster shark movie, you’ve seen them all. Unless you’ve seen them all except Dinoshark. In which case, you haven’t seen Dinoshark.

It’s time to don the corpse paint and bullet belts, because Adult Swim’s Metalocalypse is back to wreak Deth and commercialised destruction upon the masses – and Season 3 promises to be just as totally freakin’ brutal as the first two instalments.