Like an addict desperately searching for the next hit on my cinematic crack pipe, I looked forward to Something Borrowed with glee. But alas, the drugs don’t work anymore, and my fix of pure unadulterated fun has been laced with nasty morally-warped drudgery. What’s that I hear? Oh it’s just Nora Ephron weeping.

The man behind Legion is teaming up with surprise action hero Paul Bettany once again to deliver a mad, futuristic, post-apocalyptic vampire kind of affair that is truly as ridiculous as that sounds.

Shane Black. Does this name mean something to you? If it doesn’t, then make it your business to brush up on this witty American writer, director, producer and all round king of blockbuster action movies. Come closer children and sample our lovely Cheat Sheet….

After the recent announcement that Tom Hooper, current king of the world after The King’s Speech Oscar success, has been linked to a big screen adaptation of long-running musical The Glums (sorry, Les Miserables), we thought we should cast a light on some other musicals waiting for a safe pair of cinematic hands to lead them gently into cinema screens near you

The gang is back for a few more last jobs as they endeavour to take a corrupt Brazilian businessman to the cleaners and start a new life as millionaires. Boasting added Dwayne Johnson, Fast Five promises to race circles around the so-called law of diminishing returns.

Who are the most baked, caned, hopped-up or tripped-out characters in movie history? Here, in the sort of order which can only really be dreamt up through a haze of quaaludes, mescaline and Night Nurse, are our top ten.

It’s Wednesday! Wednesday! Gotta get down on Wednesday! Everybody’s looking forward to the half-price cinema experience, half-price cinema experience! Actually, Rebecca Black would probably shit herself with confusion if she went into a cinema; a choice of two seating options bemuses her, for God’s sake, she’d never cope. And Odeon don’t even do reserved seats! Blimey. Time to get your citrus on, guys and gals!

A devastatingly right-on documentary determined to plumb the depths of America’s capital punishment system, In the Land Of The Free follows the life and times of three men: Herman Wallace, Albert Woodfox, and Robert King – collectively known as ‘The Angola Three’. Between them, they have spent over a century in solitary confinement for the murder of a prison guard; a murder that, in all likelihood, they never committed. It’s all sufficiently horrid, worthy stuff – but we have to ask, why is Samuel L involved?

Children are frightening. It’s probably their tiny hands. Whilst horror movies seem to utilise the ‘scary child trope’ a little too frequently these days, it’s worth remembering the good times of horrible, horrible children that wanted you dead (or at least maimed in some way). This top ten list encompasses the best of the nasty tykes that remind us all why birth control is so important.

The Academy’s newest favourite lady is back on our screens with a film as distant from Black Swan as it’s possible to imagine (not least because Ashton Kutcher would clearly have wet himself when Winona got her stab on). As charming and funny as it is predictable and clichéd, No Strings Attached might make your day but won’t change your life.