…and you’d be mad not to get involved.

You’ve seen the lists of forthcoming blockbusters, superheroes and potential Oscar-fodder, but what are the 2012 films you haven’t heard of and have no interest in seeing? H Anthony Hildebrand has all the inessential (and made up) details.

Paolo Sorrentino’s last film, Il Divo, was a tour-de-force, an inventive, intelligent and witty semi-biopic of Italian political titan Giulio Andreotti that took Cannes by storm. The follow up is also intelligent, witty and inventive. It’s also deeply irritating, uneven and unlikeable. Shame.

You put your Chloë in, your Demi out, in out in out watch Amanda Seyfried have sex at gunpoint. That’s how it goes, isn’t it?

We were sure they didn’t have a leg to stand on…

Tomer Sisley returns as reluctant global business tycoon Largo Winch. Split over two timelines, set three years apart, The Burma Conspiracy breaks from the norm as it is nether a prequel or a sequel, but one of those inter-quels you’ve heard so little about.

We’re still not quite over the whole superhero thing. By the time 2013 rolls along, we’ll have a whole new batch of superhero movies. How many, you ask? Well, not quite enough to fill a list-based feature, so we had to pad it out a bit. Still loads, though.

WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU STILL DOING LOOKING AT YOUR COMPUTER? DON’T YOU KNOW W.E. IS OUT? DON’T YOU KNOW THAT? QUICK, BEFORE ALL THE TICKETS IN THE WORLD ARE GONE GONE GONE!

As if Greece didn’t already have enough problems..

Madonna’s ‘directorial debut’ (which is actually nothing of the sort, it’s just that her last film was so shit she’s pretending it doesn’t exist) is such a flagrant exercise in cinematic wish-fulfilment that it’s almost not worth pointing out. Contemporary American material girl in an unhappy marriage looks to the most glamorous woman in the world and her controversial transformation into the star of the English gentry? W.E. is unforgivable.