Prepare yourself for a relentless onslaught of legendary British voices, classic Aardman stylings, slick 3D and more Christmas spirit than you could shake even a really big candy cane at – it could only be Arthur Christmas. And it’s totally, overwhelmingly charming, just like you knew it would be. What are you doing on a computer? Just go and watch it, Scrooge – and would it kill you to wear a snazzy jumper?
To celebrate the imminent release of The British Guide To Showing Off – a marvellously mad documentary centring on the annual Alternative Miss World pageant – we reckon it’s important to remember what it is about cinematic cross-dressing that makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. From Patrick Swayze to Robin Williams, from Toni Collette to Tony Curtis – we don our heels, our moustaches and our classiest bejelewed thongs and embrace the wonderful world of drag…
Forget Love Actually and The Muppet’s Christmas Carol, our list of Top 10 Films to see at Christmas 2011 is (mostly) full of serial killers, AIDs activists and sci-fi romances, with the occassional uplifting Christmas animation thrown in for good measure. Here is the definitive list of what to watch this festive season.
Tabloid is the story of red-top cover-girl Joyce McKinney, star of the infamous ‘Mormon in Manacles’ kidnapping and rape case of the late 70s. The plot jerks from clandestine cults, to kidnaps at gun point, ritual underwear, from prostitution to cloning – and the best part is it’s all true.
This Friday heralds the release of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directorial debut, Jack Goes Boating. In honour of his achievements in the worlds of film and seeming like a nice man, we have decided to take a look back at his career. From bit parts to lead roles, Hoffman has always stood out as a dignified, intelligent actor. Plus, he was in Triple Bogey on a Par Five Hole, only our favourite movie of all time!
Paul WS Anderson has committed the greatest act of cultural rape since Stephenie Meyer thought “Whitby and dogs are all very well, but none of it’s really sparkly enough…”. The Three Musketeers is plagiarised from so many disparate sources that I can scarcely keep up with them – unfortunately, however, Alexandre Dumas’ classic romance isn’t among them. This film is unforgivable.
What’s Your Number? tells the story of Ally Darling a woman who, upon discovering that sleeping with more then twenty men is a one-way ticket to Spinster City via Loneliness Junction, retraces her dating past in an attempt to unearth ‘the one’ she may have discarded. Of course, LOVE was waiting JUST NEXT DOOR. Predictable, yes. A fun way to waste an afternoon? Also yes.
Can you believe this is the thirty-fifth time you’ve read Orange(Wednesday)s and Lemons? If you got together a load of apples, flicked all the pips into a bowl and then read every OWL since January in one go whilst consuming 2.42g of pips per review, d’you know what would happen? You’d DIE. Serious stuff, eh? Enjoy the blog!
Knowing him, Bond himself will probably shoot some Indians. And then quip about it.
Snipe London
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