I have a very strong attachment to all of my favourite films so this was pretty hard for me. Once I’d had a think though, I realised that when you really get down to the bare bones of it, a favourite film is a film you can watch over and over again without it compromising the pleasure you get from it. Whilst there are probably thousands of films which give me this experience, Dogma reserves a special rung on the ladder.

Yep, it’s another one of those films where very clean celebrities pretend to have names like “Holly” and “Gary” and there’s just loads of them, loads of them scuttling around like glowing, plastic noise-rats shouting “UH OH! BABIES!” and it’s funny until it’s not and then it is again because sad emotions only last as long as a scene of about four minutes, and then it’s BACK TO CHRIS ROCK DOING HIS JOKES and people in bikinis and Jennifer Lopez realising stuff and then crying so gently. Just call it Middle Class Heteros Have Kids (You Don’t Even Get To See Them Shag), and be done with it.

Julie Delpy’s follow-up to her 2007 film 2 Days in Paris retains a little of the charm and humour of its predecessor, but there’s an oddly forced quality to the proceedings. In place of the previous film’s intuitive and authentic depiction of an unravelling relationship are clumsy setpieces and surreal gags which smack of a project that is inherently directionless. Julie Delpy and Chris Rock are charming, alongside comic standout Albert Delpy. But ultimately the film feels flabby and ill-defined, and the presence of Adam Goldberg is sorely missed.

In geology, a rock is a naturally occurring solid aggregate of minerals and / or mineraloids. While plenty is known about all things igneous, sedimentary and metamorphic, not nearly enough knowledge exists about our favourite rock of all. Yup. it’s time to get under the skin of Chris Rock…

Finally!

Have you ever thought, we mean really thought, about Sean Penn? We have. And lo and behold one of us thinks he’s of the Parker fountain Penn of Hollywood, and the other thinks he’s just the biro that the dog has chewed and oh god someone call the vet, it’s choking.

Okay, so there are these grown ups who act like children, right? And their children, they act like grownups. And the grownups want the children to act like children like they did when they were children, and they realise that showing their children how to act like children will help them stop acting like children and start acting like grownups and oh god stop my brain hurts.

Remakes have become the scourge of a Hollywood system starved of creativity and imagination. No sooner has a subtitled film won critical plaudits than there are whispers of an English language retread. A reinterpretation of the Swedish coming of age story Let The Right One In, directed by Matt Reeves (Cloverfield) and re-titled Let Me In, opens in multiplexes this Halloween. Now it seems that British films simply aren’t good enough for audiences across the Atlantic because director Neil LaBute has remade the 2007 comedy of errors, Death At A Funeral, transplanting the action to a middle-class suburb of Los Angeles

Originally broadcast as a TV special on NBC in the states, Merry Madagascar is about as shameless as it gets in the long line of trying to cash in on Christmas. It seems clear that some exec, sitting in an artfully underfurnished office somewhere in Los Angeles, simply looked at a balance sheet and saw that Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa had done quite well.

Hi! I’m not Troy McClure. You might remember me from other such features as “Top 10 Aimless 80’s Nostalgia Trips” and “Waffling On About Something Irrelevant That Causes Me Disproportionate Anger”. Now, let’s stroll together down a list of the great Mr. McClure’s oft-name dropped movies, and see which ones should be jammed into production like a fish in a sock.