Yup. The writer of ‘Pride & Prejudice & Zombies’ has had his way with the Marvel superheroes…

Will you be taking Carrie to the prom?

The film of that TV series you’ve never heard of, Dark Shadows does justice to neither its cult classic source material nor the combined talents of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. Fifty times longer than its trailer and half as enjoyable, Dark Shadows is one of the most tiresome, derivative and uninspiring movies you’re likely to see this year.

‘Most people we’d like to boff (and Scarlett Johansson) in one scene’?

Remember last week? Remember last week when tomorrow was sort of SUNDAY AGAIN because of the magic of last week? Yeah, well that’s not how this tomorrow’s going to work, big boy. Monday is on its way like some mad, Taylor Lautner based dribbling hell hound, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Except promise you that there are, at least, NEW FILMS afoot! Trailers ho!

Whoever knew vampires could be so colourful?

So brightly coloured. So many cheekbones.

Where are the spiral staircases?

It’s all the same, but we’re never going to stop.

WHY NOT