Albert Brooks and Ellen DeGeneres will be back as the voices of Marlin and Dory in Finding Nemo 2.

They’re stealing an idea from a book and making it into a film called The Book Thief! How meta.

Or Helena Bonham Carter? Or Emma Watson? OR THE ENTIRE WORLD OF HOLLYWOOD?

Why aren’t films of video games ever good? Because the boys in the back room are adapting the wrong goshdarned games, that’s why! We’ve consumed eighty-six thousand Doritos and worn out nine pairs of tracksuit bottoms doing the research for this list: the definitive top 10 games that must be brought to the silver screen.

We still think Kilowog is an unacceptably racist name for a massive alien.

To celebrate the brief few days between the release of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and its inevitable box office flop, we thought we’d channel the very muckiest of Captain Jack Sparrow’s rum-guzzling habits and settle you down for an evening of alcoholism on the high seas. Avast, where be that Babycham?

Just when you thought the ship had finally sunk to the bottom of the sea bed, those pirates, who may or may not be in the Caribbean any more, swing back with another romping instalment of nautical based madness. Your timbers should indeed be shivering.

LAD.

We’ve all heard the good news – the Governator has hung up his democratic sash and is preparing to step back into his loincloth/leather jacket/commando boots of unremitting ass-kickery for some new and crunchy films. Among the fifteen projects Arnie is reportedly considering are remakes of Predator and True Lies, as well as yet another Terminator sequel; but we think he should be diversifying…