The Rum Diary is an occasionally funny, occasionally madcap film that essentially is neither very funny nor very madcap. Despite the promises of the trailer the film follows a narrative that is conventional and even a tad dull. All in all, it’s a bit of a rum deal. Ahem.

Heading out on the town tonight and looking to make some new, ahem, “acquaintances”? Not quite as adept with the lingo of love as you’d like to be? Been shot down more times than Boromir in The Lord Of The Rings? Now is not the time to panic, as we’ve done all the hard work for you. After scouring the film database, we’ve pulled out the top 10 chat-up lines that can be applied to any romantic situation, ever ever. So read them. Learn them. Dazzle the opposite sex with them and, when you get laid, send us a box of chocolates. We like chocolates…

It turns out that pirates like guns.

The top-secret script for Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides was found left on a table in a London cafe after the film’s bosses stopped for lunch and forgot to take it with them. Luckily for them (and deeply unluckily for dastardly film schemers like us) the script was found by an avid Pirates fan (presumably the only one left), who decided not to look at the script at all.

We reported a while back that Penelope Cruz had been cast in the new Pirates Of The Carribean film, but at the time there was no word on who she would play. It’s been revealed today that she’s set to play BlackBeard’s daughter, who meets Jack Sparrow on his quest for the fountain of eternal youth.

On Stranger tides indeed. It’s been revealed today that though a lot of Pirates 4 will be filmed in Hawaii, a sister location will be used for some scenes. And that glamourous location is? Cornwall. Brilliant.

Those of you who were looking to Angelina Jolie retuning to the Wanted franchise, we’re afraid we have some bad news. The actress has dropped the sequel, deciding instead to sign up for Alfonso Curón’s new project Gravity.

For a while there Pirates 4 was all looking a bit pear-shaped; Orlando had stepped down, Keira walked the plank and it looked like it would be Johnny Depp sailing solo. However, then Penelope Cruz climbed aboard, Ian’s stowed away (we’re rapidly running out of piratey metaphors) and things are generally looking up for team Pirates.

Apparently the sultry star of Nine (well, potential Best Supporting Actress anyway) is in negotiations to join Pitt on his latest cruise around the Caribbean. The two have worked together before in the heartbreaking memoir Blow so it’s safe to say that there’s be no lack of chemistry on-board. Swapping Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom for Penelope Cruz? It’s a bit like swapping an old button and a bit of a playing card for 20 quid.

There are rumors floating around that the sexiest pirate on earth Jack Sparrow, will be making a return to our screens in a fourth instalment of Pirates of the Caribbean…