This is the worst Harry Potter film we’ve ever seen…

It has been less than a year since Great Expectations hit our telly-boxes via the woebegone institute that is the BBC (the less said about He Who Must Not Be Named, the better), so it makes sense that Mike Newell and the British Broadcasting Corporation have remade it AGAIN for the silver screen. If, of course, by “makes sense” you mean “makes no sense at all”. Expect the usual suspects, lavish costumes and lingering glances in this portion of Dickens Lite for the TOWIE age…

First adapted from Michael Morpurgo’s book into a play by Nick Stafford, the story of War Horse has now been set loose on cinema audiences in Steven Spielberg’s latest epic. Having divided critics upon its release, we decide to make like a horse and canter towards a sunny meadow of consensus. And clover.

Gross.

She’s confused because Johnny Depp is nowhere to be seen.

And, as expected, war and horses seem a prominent theme…

Ssh, nobody mention how much better Saoirse is!