The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is a horrendous mishmash of CGI-dependent action sequences and poorly-paced unconvincing drama; but rather like a dwarf in a river-borne barrel, it bobs along rather nicely. Also like a dwarf, it carries quite a lot of extra flab around the middle, but its unassailable charisma and magnificent facial hair…

Make some effort, Pete.

Infinite cash Vs Probable agonising death. Quick cost benefit analysis… Let’s send Martin Freeman in instead

Your short-cut to the important stuff.

A whole two months earlier than expected!

Bilbo and co are making tons of dough

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is undoubtedly an event-movie, but can it overcome the ridiculously high expectations and accusations of technological awkwardness surrounding its release? Yes. Yes it can. All the criticisms leveled at the first film in The Hobbit trilogy might be justifiable, but Peter Jackson has still created a worthy prequel to the Lord Of The Rings. Big flashy set pieces, enjoyable and complex characters and an accessible yet captivating script add up to a movie you will be proud to one day have as the cornerstone of your DVD collection. You’ll never be so glad to return to Middle Earth.

Martin Freeman to sign up with Cash Money Records, Ian McKellen to buy a sold gold yacht

Mo money mo problems.

It’s grim. It’s really, really grim. No amount of preparation or love for your child can prepare you for Nativity 2: Danger In The Manger, which has more in common with Invasion of the Body Snatchers than it does with any other Christmas film. One could make a cogent argument that this film is a secret military project to liquify the brains of the populace.