It’s jean-creaming time.

You stay classy, Kristen Wiig

Fantastic writers Lawrence Kasdan and Simon Kinberg sign up for Star Wars Episodes VIII and IX! Thanks, Disney!

In other news, the Human Torch was denied a bank loan.

GIVE ME MY LEGOs BACK!

Refuses to save the day for less than a glass of whiskey and a BJ from your sister.

With Romney taking on America’s no-good, tax-dodgin’, health-care expectin’ 47%, Mrs Michelle doing the majority of the sweet talking and everyone trying to figure out just what a ‘legitimate rape’ actually is, there’s never been a more perfect time for a slicing satire of the USA’s governmental boxing ring. The Campaign isn’t it, sadly. But who needs game-changing home truths when the dog from The Artist is being punched in the face?

Gird your loins, everyone: it’s arrived. The film which inspired the following words from Roger Ebert: “Describing the movie is bringing down the level of my prose.” A “billion dollar movie” featuring the likes of Jeff Goldblum, Will Ferrell, Robert Loggia, Zach Galifianakis and John C Reilly. A film so strange and offensive it led to a number of furious walkouts from audience members during a screening at the Sundance festival. Yes, Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie is upon us, and goddamnit is it a beautiful, terrifying spectacle.

“Football is 80% mental and 40% physical.” Erroneous mathematics is just one of the highlights of that hallowed cornerstone of the film industry; the sports movie. Other than sex, the only other thing which has the power to absolutely unite the sexes is a good sports film; everyone’s equal in the stadium, you know? Dudes put on makeup and call it “warpaint”, women start bottling people in the stands, everyone wears skintight Lycra – sports movies bring out the pikey banter-lad in us all. It’s hot, the Olympics are nigh – let’s get rowdy.

We pledge allegiance to the flag, and to the United States of Will Ferrell.