Yes, probably. Except they’ll both be pretending to be different people. Acting, innit?

Dexter Fletcher’s sensational directorial debut is a gangster film with almost no gangstering in it. Featuring a meticulously well-crafted cast, an engaging story, a script which is by turns heartbreaking and hilarious and a totally believable central performance, this film couldn’t be less like Guy Ritchie’s nonsensical oeuvre if it managed to sustain a relationship with Madonna. Superb.

If you look at them really quickly at 24fps, it’s basically like a very poorly edited film that lasts half a second.

JUNE THE FIRST JUNE THE FIRST OH MY GOD BOOBS

Good luck outacting a fifteen-year-old, Rupe.

Scarlett Johansson gets to look like she’s doing something other than providing the on-set vagina in these ones! LOL JK

R-Pattz’ post-Twilight breakout role is as a talentless schmoozer who drags himself up the ranks of fin de siècle Parisian society on a ladder made from other men’s wives. Visually dazzling but with no real substance, this new adaptation of an 1885 novel is as charmingly insubstantial as its lusty yet anodyne antihero. Bel ami, médiocre film.

We were going to say ‘in talks with The Counselor’, but it sounded a bit meta.

OH LOOK, it’s another European action film that’s been needlessly rehashed into a big-budget American dross rocket. Hurrah! Mark Wahlberg plays Smuggler Who No Longer Smuggles; guess what he’s going to do? That’s right! He’s going to punch and grumble his way through two hours of your life, which you will NEVER get back.

Chroniquel?