Another week? Really? Don’t worry, at some point you’ll die and all this will come to a welcome end, but until then it’s Monday and there’s nothing we can do about it. Still, there are always marvellous things going on, and it’s OUR JOB to raise your spirits with them. Set your anticipation guns from stun to kill; it’s time for the Rich Mix’s Festival Of Dangerous Ideas.

STILL QUITE BORING

What do you get when you mix a re-hashed 80s teen drama, a deeply unoriginal “fish outta water” scenario, yet more bloody buddy-cops and Channing “meat face” Tatum trying to be funny? A sparky, self-aware, genre-flipping and consistently entertaining comedy-action fest, where LOL veteran Jonah Hill takes a back seat to that bloke out of Dear John. Honestly, we’re as surprised as you are.

She’s 13. What have you achieved today?

Let’s give them a hand…

So, in the wake of the apocalypse, we can only hope that we’re lucky enough to die before everything turns from catastrophic to worse. Xavier Gens’ claustrophobic gore-thriller The Divide could do with shedding some dodgy dialogue in favour of some character plumping, but there’s no denying the impact of its glowering set pieces.

Paedo-lolz? Really, Adam? Really?

Is anyone ever going to give the zombies a break?

So Jake Lloyd – aka, the wrong Anakin Skywalker – has recently been in the news citing The Phantom Menace as the reason his life turned out all wrong. Join the club, Jake. We’re all suffering here. Anyway, the ironic thing is that Jake Lloyd’s life being hilariously crap is possibly the one thing in the world we can’t actually blame on George Lucas. Why? Read on…

But will probably contain Muppets.